Monday, September 07, 2009

Threat of Personal Harm

There is something I have been wondering about for some time now. Maybe someone out in cyberspace has the answer.
On our morning ventures, which start at 5am, we always meet up at Tim Horton's and then carry on. Now matter how well I plan or how much time I spend planning. The same bloody thing happens. It starts as that wonderful caffeine buzz starts to hit. Rumbling, twitching, and then spasm. That intensely horrible urge to shit your brains out and you are in the middle of the freakin' woods by the time it really hits. It is not a nice thing to be moving into a crux section and your main concentration is spent on keeping your sphincter tight (god forbid you risk a fart!).
In case you are wondering, caffeine is a GI stimulant and Tim's happens to be very strong in me. I have seen the same phenomena in most of my climbing partners. Almost everyone has, at some point, had to go fertilize a tree. But then there is KIM.
I don't get this chick! I meet her at Tim's at 5am. I know she is drinking the same shit I am. I have not yet once know of her going off into the woods to have a glorious dump. 3 years of early morning, diarrhea inducing, caffeine. The odd 'tinkle' in the wood sure but why doesn't she have to take a crap like the rest of us. I asked her about it on Sunday, I got a dirty look. I told her I was going to "post it" and that's where the personal harm thing came in. Oh well, curiosity killed the cat.


Trevor said...

I find McDonalds coffee has little or not effect on GI stimulation. I rarely have Tim's - head out - and come back with a full roll of toilet paper. I share your pain good friend, I do.

Anonymous said...

its kaleb
i stopped getting tims take it from home and you wont have to shit till you get back there

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